Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind

This time next year

2011-10-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

This time next year I want a feeling

Of plenitude and abundance,

Of a lack of monetary concerns,

And the trust in fate and chance.

This time next year I want to be

In a position of certain authority,

More learned than I ever was

And recognized by a majority.

This time next year I need to have

A bond far greater than friendship,

A red-golden hue of the world in my mind,

To look forward to a honeyed trip.

This time next year I must really give

A calmer mind to those who care,

About the future that I haven’t seen,

I must assure them that it’s there.

This time next year I’ll have many a dreams,

And many a rhyme shall float quietly by,

Many a lesson to learn and teach,

Many a twisted routes to fly.

This time next year I’ll look back to now,

When so very little I knew of tomorrow,

And wonder at the wonders of heaven,

That showed me all the paths to follow.

Yet till then, I stand and wait,

Staring at the sky with little fear,

Lost in brightly coloured yesterdays,

And in the thoughts of this time next year..

Nocturnal deviation

2011-10-12T14:27:00.001-07:00

The Reality

A strange part of the day, hangover from a jetlag that never was

The body’s lost the insomnia, but the mind’s hooked on to the midnight calm,

Magical alternate realities culminating from a light breeze

True love from a million yesterdays crop up with ease

Fruitless analysis of the events that have long passed me by

Disappear into the fragrant breeze that leaves me high

Contorted thoughts of love and life starts to form in my heart

Right out of a cheap novel’s most ludicrous part

Endless possibilities make my being more and more fragile

As I lose myself in the everlasting mile.

Delusions

I think I see you there asleep in the cold

Wrapped in warm monochrome blankets and wisdom old

And soon you disappear with the blink of my eye

And a thousand colours seem to float by

I steady myself in that distant dream

And find myself running from that paramour extreme

Holding the pieces of a melting heart

That some mythical hero had taken apart

I crash into the good thoughts of the honourable one

And stay trapped for eternity, can never run

Living life backwards and facing the past

Is not something that I can stand to last

A foray back into an altered state

A yearning of the smells of a strange kind of sin

Comes together with the need to lose all on a whim

Till the heat of the liquid has burnt my soul

I shall crawl back to where I always fall

Disturbed by the thought, that the rhyme creates

I metamorphose each second through numerous states

And then I try to end my midnight rant

I wish I could but I just can’t ……….

The light of good times

2011-04-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, but the lights don't fade,

Memories refreshing as orange lemonade,

The arc lights, the stage, the awful soundchecks;

And one riff on the guitar is all it takes.

The melodies of when I was young,

Idealistic, perfect, like a beautiful song,

Endless happy dreams of far tomorrows,

The tomorrows that are today...

It's been some time since the wind swept through my hair

End of stressful work days in nights of careful repair,

Drowning in a symphony of alcohol and smoke,

Forgetting the cares of life with each silly joke

Surrounded by friends, come whatever may,

Waking up looking forward to each new day

Through the learnings of youth was a beautiful respite,

That made each trial worthwhile

Seems just like yesterday when we sat in that room,

Laughing and screaming in those hot days in june,

Sharing and swearing as the bottles were drained,

In a brotherhood of love, we were all ordained,

Time flew by each time we met,

A phase when we knew not what would happen next,

The shadow of that time still keep me warm,

It makes me stay alive

Today we sit so far away, you and me,

Smiling at our beautiful destiny,

Reminiscing the times that led us here,

The trivial things that we hold so dear,

Trying to hold steady as reality hits,

While we try to keep together our wounded wits,

We take strength together from what we've both known,

And move forward to a new tomorrow..

Memories of light

2010-11-05T11:26:00.000-07:00

Its diwali. The festival of lights.

Every corner in India is lit up with millions of light. The smell of burnt paper and gun powder singes your insides and the sweet tooth is having a field day. It's smiles on so many faces. The weak candle flame dancing in the wind.Children screaming and laughing and shouting. Oh and how can I forget the firecrackers. Colorful sparklers, brilliant bright rockets, the super loud 'sutli bomb'. My dogs scared stiff from the loud bangs and adding to the noise pollution.

It's diwali. The phone never stops ringing. People all over call up to wish you a lovely year ahead. The SMS facility for all service providers work overtime.... Renewing bonds with long-lost friends and some that you don't care to speak to.It's truly a happy time and it is beautiful.

It's how it has been for as long as I can remember. It's probably how it is this year... at home. Here in the cold climes of the midlands of uk, the only lights I will see are the orange street lights when I walk to the library. The only sounds I shall hear is the hissing and spitting of the steam pipes in the university and the only sweets I'll taste are the marshmallows from the pound store.

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

-Kevin Arnold

Happy Diwali everyone...

End

2010-07-02T00:48:00.001-07:00

What would it be like to die?

When it's staring you in the face

What thoughts come by

Late

How late is it?

How hard is it?

Or simple...

Death..the beyond

The part with no tomorrow

No future to worry about

Just a large past to cry about

And no one to comfort

Or maybe an escape

From the heart wrenching pain

That necessarily incapacitates

Death

Embrace me

Love me like no one ever has

Take me with me with you

in this moment of numbness

Put me in your ice cold shackles before I can run away...

Time in my life

2010-06-15T23:30:00.000-07:00

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

- Switchfoot

Just a random song pops up in your playlist. It gets you thinking. Especially when you are taking really significant decisions, life altering decisions…

So this is my life, but am I who I want to be? Was this what I had dreamed I would be, what life would be? Swayed by emotion, consumed by passion for things that may or may not be significant in my life tomorrow, unmoved by success, grounded by failure.

Maybe till now I had not fully grasped how much to each extreme I am. Any attempts to blow moderation into my life have been futile. Common sense is averse to me. *Smirk*

I had never pictured myself like this. The vulnerability to emotion, to people, did not remotely pop up in my futuristic dreams. I guess life has thrown enough rotten tomatoes at me for me to still harbor notions of a perfect future.

Time destroys

Yesterday that was today,

Just a while back.

Tomorrow is not so far away.

Discards perfection,

Breeds uncertainty

A change in direction

With every breath

Control

We have none of that

Just brace ourselves for the next attack

Time rebuilds,

Heals the injured Achilles heel

Replenishes when all is seemingly lost

Creates beautiful dreams

When you’re soporific

And wakes you up to reality…

I guess I would have liked to go on with that. But time’s just brought back my best enemy - the writers’ block. Maybe some other time…

Jewel of my eyes

2010-06-04T10:01:00.000-07:00

[Wrote this for someone who wanted it for someone.. But it ended up something else. Anyway... here goes]

You entrance my mind like the fragrance of the first rain
And yet be steady as a rock in my times of pain
There's a lot I would like to say but the right words may never come
I know I am silly and pretty much dumb
But the little things that I want to say
May not seem so important today
Yet when we turn old and wise
You'll still be the jewel of my eyes.

I have loved

2010-06-02T04:34:00.000-07:00

I have loved.

Tasted each sweet emotion,

Each bitter tear.

Drowned in the interplay of intense words.

Risen from the hurt.

I have loved.

Lost myself, my being, my identity,

Only to lose it again.

Found myself stronger,

Sometimes with, sometimes without.

I have loved.

Destroyed my life for another's smile.

Then rebuilt it without complain.

I have given all that I have,

Got some and much back.

I have loved.

I have smiled.

I have laughed.

I have cried.

I have wept.

And I have lived,

Just because I have loved.

Poets of the Fall - Beautiful ones

2010-05-18T03:14:00.000-07:00

Orb

2010-05-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

There you are,

looking down on me.

That smile on your face;

Sometimes of love,

sometimes derision.

At others merely a tiny grimace...

Dress me in light

when my life is darkness;

Or just light up each precious moment,

What a connection I have with you,

Untold, unexplained.

Linked with just a name

Distant, yet close

Steeped in meaning,

drenched in enthusiasm,

In a thought-free chasm.

No expectations, no fear of failure

of what we have

No regret either,

Everlasting,

This bond so rare

Forever following,

Or perhaps you chain me to you..

Never judging,

my fallacies,

the evils in me

that you so clearly see.

Just a smile.

Oh that smile!

It keeps me through the sun-bleached days

and takes me through night's calm infinity...

[Chandreyee meaning: The Bengali Hindu female name "Chandreyee" literally translates as "one who is as beautiful and brilliant as the moon on a full moon night". The word is derived from the Sanskrit word "Chand" meaning "moon".

(Mythology): Chandreyee is the the daughter of Soma the moon God in the Mahabharata]

2010-05-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

I thought i found my fairytale
But thats just a story ryt
I thought i had my forever
But its just a matter of time
I thought i found the perfect match
Till he lit me up in smoke
I thought that he was so much fun
Till he laughed me off as a joke
I thought i had found all i'd want
Till i lost it in my fears
I thought that love would keep me alive
Till i drowned in my own tears

The Technicolor phase

2010-05-10T04:36:00.000-07:00

I am the red in the rose, the flowers

on the blankets on your bedroom floor.

And I am the gray in the ghost that hides

with your clothes behind your closet door.

I am the green in the grass that bends back

from underneath your feet.

And I am the blue in your back alley view

where the horizon and the rooftops meet.

If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors

of the evening stars.

You can go anywhere you wish cause I'll be there, wherever you are.

(wherever you are) 2x

(I will always be your keys

when we are lost in the technicolor phase)

The black in the book

the letters on the pages that you memorize.

And I am the orange in the overcast

of color that you visualize.

I am the white in the walls that soak up

all the sound when you cannot sleep.

And I am the peach in the starfish on the beach

that wish the harbor wasn't quite so deep.

If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors

of the evening stars. (my darling)

You can go anywhere you wish cause

I'll be there, wherever you are. (my darling)

I love color. Everything in life has its own color – bright and dark and so many shades. I found this song by Owl city from the eternally colorful Alice in Wonderland soundtrack the pure definition of the love for colors….. or maybe it’s just the perfect definition of the color of my love !

Listen to it on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiF05rJtHvQ&feature=related

From the dead of the night

2010-04-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

Kill me

Take my life

It was always yours anyways

Smear my blood

To calm that ego

Till the end of your days

Destiny

Never revisits

Let me be the one that pays

Give up this life

To the sham of love

Than suffer in its haze

Scatter my pieces

To the ends of the world

I've lost me in todays

Live on, dream on

And love all of it

So my broken mind prays...

Rewind!!

2010-04-16T00:14:00.000-07:00

[ This is another one of those office cubicle inspired rhymes. The only difference is that it was inspired by someone else's office cubicle rhymes. Thanks for the inspiration biks, but I am sure you'd agree that there are better things that inspire creativity!]

Seriously...why don't we have the "rewind" button
There was so much to be said, so much to be done
The laughing moments that swept us away
The paranoia of the submissions the next day
The cacophony over steaming hot cups of tea
Looking for the time when we'd finally break free

We're free now, all the money we'd ever need
But the joy of spending the 5 doesn't equal the spending 50
Our melting plastic coffee cups, half wet in the pouring rain
Never matches up to the coffee, our pet machine makes
What it was, when it was, was great while it was
But ever so often, I wish God's "replay" button was ours!

Destiny revisits

2010-04-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

There i see me
Fragile
You could break me with a breath
And u almost did
Yesterday, when i was almost yours
Oh how i tried, and then i ran
Scurried away, a fervent escape
Clung on to hopes, dreams, beliefs
And found myslf
And today Destiny has found me
Oh how she mocks me
Yet again alone, fresh tears
Staining my skin
Red...
What went wrong, the heart or the head?
You lash out in fury
And the resistance breaks
I see no end..
Even though you are not he and he not you
There is no respite
She has come with him this time
And the scythe shines
In the sinking evening light.....

Deception

2010-03-25T04:37:00.000-07:00

Life's deceptive
Every thought every word
Overides the other
Follows up with another
Who says it's a game
When the stakes are so high
Who says it's funny?
Humor is ironic.
A deceptive tonic?
Like a lunatic'S mind
This life
Where we search for sense
To find human essence
And get lost
In the fragrant maze
Walk as if in a daze
Loss of harmony
isn't it inevitable?
Where emotions wrangle
And the mind dangles
Between the scholarly reality
Or is it duality?
As often i still do
Drown in contradiction....

More a'musing's

2010-01-23T04:23:00.000-08:00

Drops of blood,
Drops of pain,
Pouring crazy,
Freezing rain
Crimson shades of
Loving made
Left the doll
But living dead..

A'muse'ing

2010-01-23T04:01:00.000-08:00

Knock a flock, knock a flock
And don't ever care,
Little girl's out in the street
Treating her hair
Come back to a quiet home
And you realize
The hair guy slit her throat
When you closed your eyes

A new blog's up

2010-01-08T04:35:00.000-08:00

I guess blogging is an addiction. You have a blog and blah blah blah and the next day you want another one and then another. Whether you have the time to update them or you don't or whether it seems like something you wanna do or something you don't, when you feel like coming up with a new blog, you just do.

I guess I caved in yet again. This time it's a travel blog. I wanted to write it in a diary, but the temptation of putting it up online was too intense. So here it is, brand new and just two posts old, my new blog.

Comments as always are welcome from the few people who do bother to read this blog. So here goes..

http://elusivewanderer.blogspot.com/

Second Choice

2009-12-13T23:02:00.000-08:00

Right to left, left to right

On the threshold of another life

Glitter and glamour, on your right

Forbidden fruit on the other side

Safe the road, that goes her way

Goodness, fairness all have their say

No questions asked, come what may

The forbidden fruit's for another day

Indecisive, perhaps too far down

Choices of the two propound

Theories and stories around

All today, tomorrow bound

Dots and dashes to let it be

Flow with the current, constantly

Creepy "what ifs", why should you see

Coz it's no one but silly me

All is well, and yet not fine

We have both moved on in time

We must both now tow the line

A major change in what was mine

There in the wild there is a noise

And echoes there yesterday's voice

In that wild you had to choose

And I was the second choice

Snapshots of life - 3

2009-12-02T02:08:00.001-08:00

This photograph was taken at Panhala fort. We wanted to capture the ethereal blend of the ancient fort and the pure white moonlight. This picture(a personal favorite) was clicked without flash using ISO settings. It somehow reminds me of Alladin's genie. The astute jinn revealing the secrets of the universe to a curious mortal while the moon lights up their existance.

Dark Silhouettes in the beautiful, soft moonlight, the cold stone walls resonating stories of the thousands of yesterdays- of kings and wars, the sagacious speaker and the devoted listener....

Picture Courtesy: Akshay

Snapshots of life - 2

2009-11-18T01:31:00.000-08:00

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

I look at the floor and I see it need sweeping

Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know why nobody told you

how to unfold you love

I don't know how someone controlled you

they bought and sold you

I look at the world and I notice it's turning

While my guitar gently weeps

With every mistake we must surely be learning

Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know how you were diverted

you were perverted too

I don't know how you were inverted

no one alerted you

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

I look at you all

Still my guitar gently weeps

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One of my all time favorite songs. So much meaning in the melody.

Sitting devoid of company in the post-lunch stupor, I'm hearing this for the fourth time in a row and I have no idea as to how many times I'm going to listen to it hereafter.

The melody transports me back to the 60s(my obsession with the era is legendary) or the closest to it I have seen.

The Cedars, the sound of the river, the fragrance of incense, of freshly baked bread, colorful baggy clothes, many colored people, semi-precious stones, tattoos....

All of that and much more.

Manali.

My emotional haven. Where nature absorbs all sadness, all worry and gives you back a sense of belonging.

Have you ever felt what it's like to be owned by someone, something ? It's a nice feeling. Like you can let go of the burden of the world and just fall unafraid. I've been owned by nature - by the pretty green trees, by the gushing ice-cold water from the rivers, by the sight of pure white snow; and all in Manali.

The sounds of the Beatles take me there, and I walk alone through those long winding roads where no one sees my tears. Where nature embraces me at every street corner. Someday, I will go back there. Just don't know when....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been cleaning out my closets lately

Only to find dirt's tremendous might

The floors, they need sweeping

But there isn't a washcloth in sight

The corners are full of cobwebs

But I just can't reach them now

I want to make things better

But I just don't know how

The world never stops turning

But I am frozen in time

No control on todays and tomorrows

Coz' there's nothing that's mine...

Emotions!!!

2009-11-17T02:31:00.000-08:00

These were clicked without my knowledge and perhaps that's why they capture shades of the real me....

Picture Courtesy: Nishant

(Thanks Nishant! :) )

Red and black

2009-11-16T00:26:00.000-08:00

Found this pretty thing outside Mulshi's paradise cafe.... Was blown away completely!!

Untitled

2009-11-12T21:55:00.000-08:00

Over and over, still in the race
Running away from yesterday
Derision, Repulsion and falling from grace
Losing the me along the way

It's a long,torturous charade
Woven along with inexplicable rage
Entangled in whatever they said
Unable to turn the page

Aimless poetry to assuage the grief
Aimless wandering to just let it be
Worn and faded like an autumn leaf
With nothing left to see..

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow I think this will be an awesome death metal song..

Idle time

2009-11-06T07:59:00.000-08:00

Idle time
If you've ever chatted on gtalk you would know that familiar orange circle- mr xyz is idle.
Its idle time for me right now. And it's orange. The lights are out in this part of town and a friend's studying by candlelight. Orange light. Everything looks so mysterious by candlelight. Even the boring plastic water bottle looks like its bound in threads of antique gold.
And the quiet. Just the sound of pages turning- as if they hold the answer to the unsolved mysteries of time.
A door shuts somewhere
A squeal of delight
a peal of laughter
The candle wick hissing in molten wax
A semi-nauseating smell of hair oil
A quick wind
The sudden darkening
As the flame tries to stay alive
A distant bark
And a flavor of the dark
Idle time
Idleness
Sheer nothingness
Like time just froze...

P.S: The lights came back on right after I finished the lines above- as well timed as the conclusion of a thriller and the World started turning again. :D

Qwerty who?

2009-11-05T21:36:00.000-08:00

I've always looked at most business phones with a kind of derision. The cramped qwerty keypad- simply too many keys cramped into a tiny space. Replace the PC ?? No way!!
N here I am with my first qwerty phone and I have to say I am embarassed. It has all the necessary functionalities that you could probably need from a PC. I wouldn't go so far as to compare this with the netbooks which are the current hot property in the market, but still its capabilities are definitely impressive.
All in all I prove it to myself yet again that a negative reaction to anyone or anything is enough to ensure that I would eventually fall in love with it.. :)
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P.S: Wrote the above post on my pretty qwerty... And ran out of balance uploading it..So the edits had to come from the PC..Man do these service providers rip you off or what.... x(

Snapshots of life

2009-10-30T04:53:00.001-07:00

" Every now and then, once in a while, life gives us a miracle "

I've been searching for this quote on google for an hour now. I have no idea where I've read this quote or if it's formulated inexplicably in my head.

There are so many times that I go through this extremely colorful photo album in my head. Snapshots from my life. Like these tiny polaroid photographs. Only they imprint themselves in the fabric of your consciousness. On those rare occassions when my thoughts enter some forgotten dimension in my brain(in a dream or otherwise), it never fails to elicit a smile.

I don't know how, but somehow, the best part of those thoughts appear.

Hence, this series that I call Snapshots of life - my personal miracles . Just some yesterdays, some beautiful yesterdays...

And I start of with this small picture and a million memories.

Quad damage.

Screams.

Familiar faces. Some unfamiliar ones.

Guitar feedback. Drum rolls.

"Vocals on the monitor please. Add some reverb please."

A strong smell of alcohol. Cigarette smoke.

A tiny whiff of Mary Jane.

The finger. Victory Signs.

And then the riff starts, and I lose myself in the music....

October 2007. I was in my final year of engineering(Finally) and going through a hard time mentally after some losses on the family front and some other issues.

A friend from college who I'd played with for some college fests called out of the blue, to meet with his band. It turned out they needed a vocalist and they were ready to give a female rock vox (which in those days in Pune was not such a common occurrence) a try.

One lead, one rhythm, one drummer, and me.

I remember the first meet over coffee that day. One moment we were getting introduced, and the next thing I knew we'd spend two and a half hours speaking of musical influences and bands like we'd known each other forever.

Then the first practice. Two guitarists and me. And the lights were out on that October day. But we sat in the garage in the dark and sang Pearl Jam's "Alive" to acoustic guitar and watched Angela Gossow from Arch enemy on the tiny laptop screen for inspiration.

We spent hours and days jamming. Making music. In the garage( where this picture was taken) and then once the renovations were over, up in our guitarist's room.

Now when I look back I just remember those extended practices. Led Zeppelin one day and Megadeth on another and Incubus some other time.

We did do a couple of gigs. Two and a half to be precise :) They were all fun. Being on stage is a totally unique experience in itself. The gigs were neither too earth shatteringly amazing nor absolutely unwatchable. But they were a fabulous experience.

The band was great while it lasted - two and a half months. We broke up in the beginning of the following year primarily because of creative differences(lol...ego would be a simpler way to put it).

Each time I go to a show, I remember the "being in the band feeling". The heady enthusiasm. It is truly a lovely picture.

And,

I miss Quad damage.

Reliving the First Job feeling

2009-10-26T01:13:00.000-07:00

One year.

It's that familiar chill in the air. The beginning of winter and the festive backlog. The last flicker of the diwali lights , remnants of the sweets and dry fruits; and the fervent wait for Christmas and New Year's eve. It was at exactly this time last year that I got into my first job.

eClerx Services ltd. Catering to so many of the Fortune 500. Listed in the BSE. blah blah....

I had just given GRE knowing full well that I would not go to the US( thanks to the recession). One phone call, a few rounds of interview and before I knew it, I had landed my first job - I was employed.

I had no idea what the company did or what it would eventually give me. Just that I had got in.

The weather somehow just takes me back to that time. To the world of opportunity that I saw then, the apprehension and yet the excitement. That first job feeling.

It'll be a year tomorrow i.e. October 27th. I am no longer with eClerx( I left about a month back). Learnt so much. Met so many people. So many amazing, inspiring experiences both in my personal and professional life. Made so many friends. The process of rediscovering Me.

I don't suppose I could summarize my experiences in an 11 chapter book ( for each of the 11 months). So I won't try. :)

I miss those old times, the familiar faces, the warmth.I miss all that.

But life has to move on. Greener pastures, opportunities et al.

Yet, today, sitting here in my clinical cubicle I go back to those days, the smiles, the fears; and hope to raise a toast to all the amazing people I met at eClerx.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S: An essentially insane coincidence - The new Cafeteria vendor is the same vendor who served food in eClerx when I left. Just when I have been thinking of the place so much! Celestine prophecy, Secret anyone? :)

Poison

2009-10-22T02:24:00.000-07:00

I don't quite understand what chemicals are being secreted in my brain right now. Even in this post lunch drowsiness, new thoughts and rhymes formulate themselves somewhere in the head. It's surely some kind of poison...

These things in life

You know they burn.

But fascination overrides instinct

And you move forth with it

Kill yourself bit by bit

And I have traversed these roads before

Explored that alien shore

Witnessed a thousand drown in its manipulative ways

Another hundred fall in the bylanes

The sheer indulgence

The absolute brilliance

And yet I follow course

Follow that light without a source

Evolve in the lies

Blend in the make-believe

Hope to recieve

Nothing but true poison

That sweet poison

Travel to the fourth dimension

To taste, to feel

that poison..

[ Truly i don't know what the Poison actually is. For me it's something immensely attractive but unbeatable. No poison is poison if you can resist it, defeat it.....]

I am the only being - Emily Bronte

2009-10-20T23:31:00.000-07:00

I am the only being whose doom
No tongue would ask no eye would mourn
I never caused a thought of gloom
A smile of joy since I was born

In secret pleasure —secret tears
This changeful life has slipped away
As friendless after eighteen years
As lone as on my natal day

There have been times I cannot hide
There have been times when this was drear
When my sad soul forgot its pride
And longed for one to love me here

But those were in the early glow
Of feelings since subdued by care
And they have died so long ago
I hardly now believe they were

First melted off the hope of youth
Then Fancy's rainbow fast withdrew
And then experience told me truth
In mortal bosoms never grew

'Twas grief enough to think mankind
All hollow servile insincere
But worse to trust to my own mind
And find the same corruption there

Mistake

2009-10-20T02:32:00.000-07:00

Each time

Walk the same road

Make the same mistake

Deal with it precariously

For another's sake

Each time

Go through the same kind of pain

For the same mistake

Burn my hands in fiend fire

Putting sanity at stake

The same mistake

For all others' sake....

On Diwali...

2009-10-17T12:06:00.000-07:00

Diwali! The festival of lights!

Thanks to the Chinese invasion of the Indian markets there are gorgeous lights being sold at every street corner and the city lights up after like a fairytale after dark. Pretty. So are the varied fireworks( true I don't completely advocate them, given the sound and air pollution; but then you can't agree with everything in the world).

So overall a pretty picture.

Time for some good old fashioned nostalgia.

Let me go back in time to 1991 and Calcutta( It became Kolkata way after that). Kaali Pujo 1991. One hell of a

vacation.

47 Ballygunge Gardens. What a palace it was in it's hey day. Always abuzz with activity, full of life. Elders, a

tad younger than most, the young lads and ladies, a tad older than most, and us kids. Where normal days were far from quiet, festivals of course brought in a lot more fun and frolic. Diwali was no exception.

It was my first Diwali/Kaali Pujo in Calcutta( I've only seen one other) and when it comes to festivities,

Calcuttans can simply awe you out of your senses. I remember marveling the light work and the atmosphere.

Way before the Laser era, the Pujo Pandals were spinning stories in light in the Calcutta Pujos. I don't quite remember each tiny detail, but I find the crowd and the lights still emerge clearly when I close my eyes and go back there.

And then diwali at home-The mishti, the people, the fireworks et all. What fun. People from 2 to 70, under

the dark, moonless sky, laughing, trading fireworks and sharing love.

I remember there were a lot of patake, phuljharis in every hand and rockets all over the sky; teasing and

shouting on the terrace next to my grandmom's puja ghar.

Then bhai phota the next day. Bhai phota(Bhai dooj/Bhau beej, in other parts of the country) is the celebration of the brother-sister relationship and what a celebration it was; truly sentimental and truly fun. Loads of fish and even more mithais( Maach and Mishti- the bong staple)

I tried to relive the same feeling in 1997 again. Oh, how excited I was, all of 13; and I was terribly disappointed. What I had not considered was and understand now, is that it was not the occassion, the vacation, the house or the city that made Diwali so special in '91. It was my family- all under the same roof.

Time steals. It stole life out of that house- literally and figuratively. The not so young youth grew older and got pulled into the web of family life. Some moved away physically, the rest mentally. The not so old elders, watched time scatter the younger ones; some of them withdrew into their impressions of the past, some into their failing bodies and some, like my darling grandmother decided to leave the world behind for good.

Us kids? Well we no longer are kids. I guess we lost our childhood way earlier than our previous generation.

This diwali I think of that old house and what it has seen. Maybe those lifeless bricks go back in time every now and then, maybe they hear the laugh and feel the warmth. Maybe the sky above is lit up with a thousand pretty fireworks and yet 47 Ballygunge gardens dreams of another day...

And I go back in time with it, to hear that familiar cackle and feel the love....

Imagination in a cube

2009-10-15T05:37:00.000-07:00

Office cubicles!! Fascinationg little worlds. So now, a new office and a new cubicle. Excitement, anxiety, apprehension, loneliness.....

I have always had a strange liking for small, personal, semi-enclosed places. They are like personal hideaways. So the concept of cubicles have always kinda fascinated me. After the initial lonely bout(I was in a land without boundaries previously ;) ) I have started contemplating about how I can convert the space allotted to me into my personal space.

Looked up a lot of forums. Man! people have awesome ideas. A jail, a bar, a castle. Wow!!

So all inspired, I bought myself a few photo frames. But damn electronic media, I don't remember the last time I got a photograph printed. The 21st century has people holding their laptop and cell phone screens close to their heart instead of a measly printed photo.

We do not need imagination. We live in a Harry Potteresque world today. We have slideshows and videos, where once we held close to us simple old fashioned photographs in sepia and grey. Our minds are in permanent and growing recession and it's imagination that's out of work. Adolescents have no time to daydream, their playstations and ipods take precedence.

Sometimes( that's the frequency I would admit openly) I feel I am an anachronism - misplaced in time. I still cling to old, faded photographs, travel across this world and others in my dreams and prefer to write my rhymes on paper. I am not a technophobe( I have no idea if a word like that exists but I AM NOT Googling it. Would spoil the feel. *Wink*). I love my gadgets. But I love that little hippie in me that jumps for joy at the sound of travel and music and at letting imagination run wild.

So coming back to the cube, it is in progress. I managed to get a super colorful pen stand and I'm sure I will get some of the photographs printed as soon as I can win that old familiar battle with procrastination.

But for now, in this laid back festive atmosphere I would just take respite in a nice cup of black java and my old friend, Imagination.

Heaven indeed!!

2009-10-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

Some scenes are so vivid and beautiful that they imprint themselves in your mind forever. This is one such.

Matheran is the tiniest hill station in the world and one of the few places that are absolutely vehicle free. Heavenly?? Well Yeah! It sure is...

Clicked this picture on the walk back and the sight instantly reminded me of the mythological TV shows[:)] that we have all seen some time in our lives- Gods and Goddesses floating about over the clouds...

That apart, a walk in the clouds and a glimpse of heaven - what more do you need out of a trip!

Green with envy!

2009-10-10T22:11:00.000-07:00

There's something immensely fascinating about this snake that I saw on my recent trip to Matheran. We were all awestruck at the absolute perfection . But then again, nature never fails to amaze!

And if you forget me!

2009-09-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

A mail chain steeped in meaning.... A friend sent Neruda( that's the mail) and the reply follows.

I want you to know

one thing.

You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.

But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine.

-
Pablo Neruda

And hence followed my reply

And if you forget me…

If tomorrow brings with you

Trials unknown

And with a heavy heart you move on

And battle

The worst fears, the worst tragedies

I will stand by each day

Wait at each corner,

At each bend

To hold your hand

Exhilaration and beauty

Happiness and abundance

Kiss each step of your way

I shall stand and watch

And pray

It lasts forever

And if you forget me,

If each day in your life begins with a laugh

A thought, a smile

And none of which have a drop of me

I shall smile, and think and drown in sweet memories

When they were but for me

If suddenly you detest,

My existence

My coming in your life

Of my unholy self

Decaying an insignificant corner of your heart

I will try to cleanse it

To erase those memories

And with a million tears

Erase all those years..

Yet my love,

Never,

Come what may

Will I forget you

Writ upon my soul

Is a summer

And a life I never knew

And I me always wanted to be

A me so very true

Lose I shall that me perhaps

Along some rough road

But never lose the very you

Or the paths we trod

And every now and then when I

Visit my real self

I shall live again my love

I shall be myself

An Ode to Friends!

2009-09-18T23:35:00.000-07:00

Conversations,

Words steeped in meaning,

Words forgotten, the imprint remains forever.

Smiles,

Lighting up faces, warming hearts

Filling the all consuming void.

Tears,

Rarely seen, more frequently felt,

A pain that you carry through the years.

Philosophies,

Arising out of situations,

A deeper thinking, often leads sane thought into oblivion.

Fiesta,

Travelling to another domain,

Losing identities in the bliss of mutual intoxication

Misunderstandings,

Ah! But what else is life,

An amusing concoction of exhilaration and strife.

Words,

Never enough to express what's inside,

But the feelings you can rarely hide.

Emotions,

Too many but little to do,

And they keep alive the real you.

Time,

Pulls reality away,

Takes you to another world, another place.

Memories,

Like precious gems,

Embed themselves in karmic consciousness

Friends,

All encompassing,

Weave the inexplicable in to the fabric of life.

Conversations never shall end,

Smiles forever brighten,

Tears seldom our spirits bend,

And philosophies rarely cure,

Fiestas will forever take us to never never land,

Misunderstandings will hurt for sure,

Words never suffice to explain,

Emotions so obscure,

Time will never tarnish,

Memories so pure,

Friends will always ensure,

This bitter life we can endure.

Addicted

2009-09-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

[ Was wondering what it would be like to delve into the mind of an addict. It is way easier than I had ever anticipated. After all, aren't we all addicted to something, someone perhaps?]

Restless, shifty eyed, unstable, unsteady

Move over world, i think I am ready

The clock chimes 12 no sleep yet

There's sweat on my forehead, clothes dripping wet

Joyous thoughts of a pleasant feel

Runs through my mind like a movie reel

Longing transcends every other emotion

My body craves for that familiar elation

The mind forewarns of trials unknown

Of regrets, of fears, of being alone

And yet the soul reaches out

And tries its best to wipe all doubt

Deviated intentions and intense desire

To escape life's hellish fire

Led me to a quiet solace

It takes me to a different place

I give in to the devil's charm

Pull it close, much to sanity's alarm

One brief moment does pass by

And the next I start to fly...

Shadow

2009-09-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

She never walks alone

Glides, effortlessly

From light to light

Indiscernible

Always right

Never errant and yet an aberration

Coz her identity was never hers

She makes her presence felt in times of utter loneliness

Eternally giving yet barely existing

Living a life through another

And yet more experiences gather

She never leaves.

Through bright, through dark

An apparition?

Barely so.

Flesh and blood

Oh never! No..

A shadow of me

Or am I hers

She leads me through yet another day...

Unfeeling

2009-09-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

Times like this,

When each day is just another day

Like there was yesterday and there will be tomorrow

Hope is another word in the dictionary

which somehow

the world believes it should live for

A love song is just good coz it’s another pretty melody

A sad movie is just another fellow human's directorial genius

When a baby's smile is just another poster in the making

When the moon is just a photographer's muse

A pretty face, an excuse

When the smile reaches from ear to ear

But never reaches the eye

When you can get to the bottom of things

But just don't want to try

When a loved one's tears fail to move you

When nothing you do ever excites you

When you escape the hurt by miles and miles

But reach the void so

When you end up so unfeeling

That you cannot feel the you

Spider

2009-08-30T03:04:00.000-07:00

‘The sphinx sat down upon her hind legs, in the very middle of the path, and recited:

"First think of the person who lives in disguise,

Who deals in secrets and tells naught but lies.

Next, tell me what's always the last thing to mend,

The middle of middle and end of the end?

And finally give me the sound often heard

During the search for a hard-to-find word.

Now string them together, and answer me this,

Which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?"’

- -- J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter

The answer to the riddle above is the Spider.

I have always found the spider to be a very fascinating creature somehow. Especially the complex web it spins. The web is so exceptionally intricate and complicated and only the spider itself can effortlessly navigate through it. Seems like God in some ways; which is probably not too far from the truth. They are a lot closer to God than the self proclaimed best creations of God( read humans) will ever be. Nature somehow never ceases to mesmerize…

The Real World

2009-08-04T12:25:00.000-07:00

Here in the real world,

I’m a leader, capable of taking the world under my wing

But in my mind I’m a timid child, trying to understand why they trust me so

Here in the real world,

I’m a visionary, changing the works with an idea

But in my mind, I dare not envision the unpredictability of time and circumstances

Here in the real world,

I’m beautiful, getting a hundred glances and a thousand sighs

But in my mind I’m still the gawky adolescent, hiding my face and tears behind large spectacles

Here in the real world,

I’m a lover, in a perfect relationship with a perfect person

But in my mind I’m lost and confused, in love with a tomorrow that’s not mine to be

Here in the real world,

I’m human, with feelings and thoughts and a hundred emotions

In my mind, I’m human too but fighting instincts more animalistic than me.

Here in the real world,

I’m real,

In my mind, I just wish I wasn’t….

It'll be morning soon

2009-07-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

If you're tired of the tirade, screaming to leave

Don't fret,

It'll be morning soon and I'll be gone

If you're bored beyond measure, longing for spice

Don't distress yourself,

It'll be morning soon and I'll be gone

If you fear my insanity like a ghostly mirage

Don't cower,

It'll be morning soon and I'll be gone

If you're looking for greener pastures, in lands far off

Be patient a bit,

It'll be morning soon and I'll be gone

A bird of the deepest night

On which few may lay sight

I love with an intense might

Fearing neither wrong nor right

Tomorrow's a different day and you may realise

But alas, my love

It'll be morning soon and I'll be gone,

Forever.

Loveless, Lossless, Unfeeling

2009-07-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

I had a very strange day today.I just felt entirely neutral. Not happy, not sad, not worried, emotional, crazy... just existentialist.

I didnt have a single extreme emotion throughout the day, except at one single point, when I felt like giving someone I knew had suffered a big loss, a huge hug. But that's all. The only extreme emotion...

If I feel like this all the time, all immune to pain, will I like it. Or is too much of a good thing dangerous?

For the first time in days, I have not felt that bitterness, that longing, that unfairness in my life that I've been feeling every waking hour of the day.

I like it. Today. Just realising that time rolls on... Realising action and its consequence... How we all move about in this karmic circle...

And watching pleasantly as life moves on.... watching in third person...

Guess the eclipse did cause an upheaval of sorts...

Wishes in the rain!

2009-07-15T00:12:00.001-07:00

Looking out of the window,

Skies in shades of black and white

Dressed for the mundane

While the heart longs for respite

Drops of incessant rain

Washing away those tears

Opening a hundred possibilities

Revealing a thousand fears..

Just another work day. The sky is unleashing a fury and little can stand in it's way. When I look out of the window, I see so many shades of nature. The just formed muddy lakes where fields were, colorful plastic umbrellas and rain gear, a hundred shades of green and so much more. Then a million sounds- of children splashing water as they step deliberately into the numerous puddles, the pitter patter of the rain drops, the sizzle of oil in the kadhai( I smell pakoras ;)), a stray shaking off water from its coat, the frogs, the birds. oh I could go on and on!

And then the very thought of returning to the mundanity of work- absolute torture. It's almost a sin to sit in artificial light, in front of the PC screen while day changes to night and nature unleashes bounties and curses on all that is seen and unseen..

I long to just sit curled under a blanket with a friend or two, while the wind makes the rain drops whizz past the open window and talk and talk..Talk about life and love and a hundred philosophies and another hundred whacky business plans. All, over cups of hot hot coffee and salty snacks..

And then maybe run out into the open, jump about, splash about, relive childhood and perhaps a little bit of the frivolity of adolescence. Then return indoors drenched and queue up for a hot bath. After which we return to the warm comfort of the blankets..

“When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.”

Elizabeth Bowen

Perhaps it's love that makes me wish, A perhaps that is almost certain -- Love, for everything around, for mother earth, and for the another..

The Seven Deadly Sins

2009-07-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

Guilty as charged, jurors

Guilty of all that's been said of me

Guilty of being human

Guilty and free

Committing each crime with deadly precision

And breaking down my soul

Each sin named and unnamed

The pain of each, the devil's toll

Greed it is that leads us in

To experience all of life

To see what must be seen

All glory and strife

Greed it is I feel

When there's some more love I want

An insatiable need

A spectre that does haunt

Gluttony is a hunger

That I feel when I need you

It's an appetite for destruction

Incarceration true

It's not starvation that drives me insane

But a desperate need to feed

The visions of the divine fruit

That together we must eat

Lust is but a development

A rendition of the times

Of the complexity of the feelings

The music in the rhymes

The intensity of a tender touch

That ignites passion's fire

The indestructible flame

Burning by a funeral pyre

And out of the fire rises Envy

Like a menace in the night

And looms like the stormy clouds of fate

As the earth puts up a fight

That wants every single moment

Of every waking hour

Not letting even little go by

Making me aware of its power

Then the Wrath at utter failiure

A volcanic explosion great

That implodes to burn the insides

As it shatters a prolonged wait

As blood and tears do mingle

Into a rotten blend

A concoction of inner misery

And to a painful end

Out of the ashes Pride rises

To restore some broken remnants

To salvage through the fields of green

And find its hidden tenants

A sense of self and earthly wisdom

That got lost in the course of love

A soul far badly damaged

The few blessings from above

And finally settles acedia

Discouragement defined

A resignation to destiny

And another startling rewind

No efforts to make any difference

Another time around

Just a knowledge that no sin can defeat

This love so perfectly profound!

A puppet story

2009-06-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

Marionettes on the stage of life

Plastic smiles and painted lips

Held together by strings of hope

Connected at the fingertips

The one in white is all alone

Laughing at painted stars

The one in red is angry now

As he counts the long lost hours

The purple monster screams in haste

To scare his counterparts

The yellow headed geek just smiles

As cupid shoots his darts

Our story traces the little pink thing

The puppet in the cage

And the little black soldier with the crystal gun

Who never seems to age

Pink

She prances about in her sheltered world

Rarely venturing out

The strings that hold her have firm rules

Which she never must flout

Safe and pleasant she bides her time

Coz safe is what she's been

Never dares to explore

And see what she's never seen

An occassional night time tryst

As the sky of cloth does dark

Somewhere beside the sea of paper

Watch the ships of wood embark

Glow in yellow candlelight

In this old fashioned set

A smile always on her tiny lips

Whatever she may have felt

Tarrying along in the make believe world

Waiting for a fairy tale

Hiding from the claws of time

Lest her dreams may fail

The Black soldier

He's a rebel yet a conformist

Tugging at the strings of hope

Carrying around an infectious smile

As he sings along the road

Once he had a zillion dreams

All lost in the hallways of the years

At war with himself and with others

Whoever brings back his fears

Holding close his crystal gun

Though seldom he might shoot

Out to protect his molten core

When he passes a dangerous route

Shooting rays of crystal hope

From his little gun

Teaching love and how to feel

Drinking up the fun

Pink and Black

Our soldier once on journeys wide

Meets the doll of pink

Shows her life beyond the cage

Makes her stop and think

In lines of pretty poetry

Drowns her inhibitions, all

And ties her with his strings of love

Lest that she may fall

Holds her close through sun and rain

In the plastic stage

Wipes her tears and makes her laugh

And calms her putrid rage

At the world that holds her there

Away from her real self

From her thousand worries far and wide

That she formulates herself

End

The war now looms at large

And soldier's out to fight

The duties of the plastic world

Have finally come to light

A hundred streams he must cross

A thousand demons face

A million thoughts he must defeat

If he wants to be in the race

The rose tinted little girl is now

Melancholy and blue

Left back to face the empty cage

To dream those dreams alone

The fictional palace is now long gone

The cage merely a prison is

Assurances fall on vacant ears

As her mind succumbs to disease

The war out there will never end

The soldier never return

The subtle words from the hollow years

Can never cure the burn

She still ventures out on her own at night

Daring herself to face

Divine wrath from heaven above

Or perhaps the devil's grace

And tomorrow she knows is simply lies

In this plastic world

So she puts up her plastic smiles

And ventures out to learn

She calls at him one last time

Before she starts to flee

From the world broken by time

And be what she wants to be

The soldier sways to the tunes of the world

All has now been changed

She must move on

Coz everything has been rearranged

Blog Revamp!

2009-06-29T14:05:00.000-07:00

There's a change in the air. Seasons are changing, time is, people are..

So why shouldn't my blog.

Transitions and transitions

Phases and phases.

Colors of the Universe

Splashed out here on these pages

Full of thoughts and shattered dreams

But appearance is what matters

If the pages are bright, each negative must have a positive connotation

What irony! What optimism

Read on!

Diffused thoughts

2009-06-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

"Where am I, where have I reached", she screams

"In distorting dreams of pain,

In depths of pleasured agony,

Where all goodness lies slain."

Is Goodness what it really is,

In this realm of the unreal.

Is she a disciple to the devil,

And did he teach her to feel?

Her mind's a treasure trove of all

That claims to be experience,

Her heart melts at every step

As she weeps for deliverance

Through torrential rains of trouble

She has made it up this far

Buried conscience somewhere along the way

At some unearthly hour

She smiles at everything she learns

Coz knowledge's all she's got

And answers the inner rebel's call

To escape from loneliness' draught

And as she finds her step in the dark,

In this nightmare of old

She holds together her damaged pride

By threads of weathered stone

A ringing laugh in the ghostly chasm

As she falls effortlessly through

"I will rise from the ashes below

And against all, emerge anew"

Transformation

2009-06-21T01:42:00.000-07:00

Extricating the droplets of pride, from the ocean of self immolation, into a fire of eternal passion, to find another world away from mine

Hiding from a destiny that never was, in a shelter that never is, nestled in a hope that shouldn't be, to an end I could never accept

Dissolving in feelings that I can't define, absorbing a numbness I can't believe, lost in a dilemma that i don't like, yet captivated by reality

A conquest that is barely a win, an ally the devil within, lost in an immoral whim, that maybe my only reason to smile

Conjectures of yesterday, where minds and souls and bodies play, the memories of a different today, a connect against the tide

The end the beginning must be, the satyrs of bygones must rest unknowingly, and we be bound despite the anomaly, that we will never be one.

Seasonal contemplations

2009-06-21T01:32:00.000-07:00

[ The first rain is superbly inspiring. A by-product of the same]

Drops of rain,

Chilling to the core

A swift breeze dousing you in a fragrance

Shivers and sighs,

Clinging fabrics

An explosion of green greeting the eyes

Puddles and splashes

Children’s laughter brightening the streets

Thrilling thunderstorms

And then the lightening, lighting up dark corners,

That tiny fear of revelation

Then the ringing laugh of security

Waterfalls down the hillsides

A million birds chirping at a moment’s respite

Grumbles and groans

At the tiniest indication of the mundane

Spicy scents from every neighborhood shop

Tantalizing the senses further

Unexplained hunger

Satiated by little, by few

Prospects of expeditions

Of adventure

And then of returning home

To a warm bath

Deep philosophical contemplations

Over liquid pleasures

Emotions unveiled through cryptic words.

Invitations to interact

Or implications of solitude

Smiles tears groans moans

Together with the world, or completely alone

2009-06-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

--- Jim Morrison

Simply love this quote

On death

2009-06-07T09:59:00.001-07:00

“I wouldn't mind dying in a plane crash. It'd be a good way to go. I don't want to die in my sleep, or of old age, or OD...I want to feel what it's like. I want to taste it, hear it, smell it. Death is only going to happen to you once; I don't want to miss it.”
--- Jim Morrison

The doors genius ironically died of an OD. Life laughs at us sometimes. A friend introduced me to this quote and it got me thinking. How would I want to die?
I don’t know. But I don’t think I want to hear it. Coz all I’ll hear is people calling me back. I don’t want to taste it, coz there’ll be a bitterness of things not accomplished, not done, not experienced in a lifetime. And I definitely don’t want to smell the nauseating fear attached with it.
I would rather die in my sleep.
Jim also said,

“People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend.”

I don’t fear death. I guess I fear pain though, my own and others’. I want to be gone in a flash. Before anyone has time to grieve, to realize, to prepare. Just evaporate if possible. Just disappear.
When it comes though, I don’t want to be ready. Coz I’ll never be brave enough to die. It should sneak in from the back and whisk me away to the other land…..

The Ceremony of Loss

2009-05-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

Gone,
Far away, far from my world
To a world of your own
Created without me, with a love rightfully yours
My world,
Now without smiles, without peace, without contentment
All siphoned off as ransom for the time you gave me
I have but little resentment
Cause I was more at fault you see
A mystic curse on me,
That which a strength was,
That which I never thought a weakness would be
Filled now,
With an emptiness, a numbness to all but pain
Tears,
My companion in times of trouble,
Try to shield me,
The me devoid of hope, facing reality.
The sky wept,
Wept at the ceremony
The ceremony of my loss that the world celebrated
The sky,
Wept at myfolly, wept to wash my tears away with its
Scarred,
Scarred for now, for the tomorrows that will come
Longing to let go of the memories
And dying to keep some
Sauntering in a dream that I knew
would never be true
Yet unwilling to dream anew
Wish,
A wish I would never wish I'd wish
And then wish to find a way
To think beyond the memories of that day
Think beyond the colors, the shades
The exhilaration
Antithetical to mine
To the darkness in my being
Drowning,
Losing control on everything
Moving slowly to the other side
Hoping for respite, for comfort
To feel a simple peace inside.
Away
Away
Far away from here
From you
All that I remember of you
Simply away...
To Shangri-la, to another terrain
To live again
and die once more......

The Ring

2009-05-24T10:57:00.001-07:00

Hold me, surround me in that flaming circle

Douse the fire and bind me in that ring

The ring which once was of hope

Now tenders only sorrow

The yesterdays have swallowed my tomorrow

That fire that once was mine

Is now replaced by a cold nothingness

The ring has lost its shine

But it keeps its iron hold

The entrapment is now sevenfold

Slowly the burning embers move to where it rightfully should

And though my best sense agrees, my heart feels wronged

I should let go, but the ring prohibits

And the love limits

My powers of self recovery

The ring holds me in a tight bondage

Drowns me in “What ifs”, in numbness

Yet in pain

It lets me not refrain

Against that, which hurts me so

Against him, that my pain does not know

Perhaps I shall fight, I am sure I must

Till I can do no more than bite the dust.

Inspired.....

2009-05-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

[ From times when the mind goes numb and the heart goes out of control. Most of these were created in SMS form as thats the only medium of expression on the go ]

Alone,

Even the myriad shapes that surround me,

The specters of the darkest nights

Have left me in cold abandonment

Do I still exist

Why do I still resist

The axe, the scythe

Am I curse from days of lore

Have you been to this place before

Do you recall a bitter way

That you passed along some rainy day

I am the heartbreak kid

The one your mother warned you of

I begin where the world stops to bleed

Immorality’s seed

Yet with a heart that wouldn’t hate

That’s my evil destiny my tryst with fate

**********************************************************************************

A hope, a wish a silent cry,

Not enough life left in me to die

Goes on vacant ears unspoken

No one this accursed chest must open

This must continue all the way

Up until judgement day

**********************************************************************************

If tomorrow brings pain of another kind

If the eternal road I may find

What would you rather I said

What dreams

What wishes

What decisions delayed

How would you rather it end

Along which road, along what bend

What would you want from me

From where would you rather I oversee?

**********************************************************************************

if love was a commodity how much would u sell for me

if life was inconsequential what destiny shall be

if truth was just another lie what would you believe

if the heart was replaceable would the mind the "it" be

if yesterdays were to come tomorrow again who's smile would you die to see

if colors were the moments in life what color would we be?

if I would have been just yours, would you still yearn so for me?

*********************************************************************************

What dreams may come, they are of you

The subtle smile to thoughts of you

Lost yet again, lost in you

I’m here again but where are you

Impossible dreams being yet so far

At this unearthly hour

Enslaved by your enchanting power

Passion like a heavenly shower

Pure Oh angel is our love

As peaceful as a sprightly dove

Eternal and ever bright

Lighting up the darkest night

**********************************************************************************

Just Something

2009-05-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

Each day I walk down the same road,

Each day wish something new

Each day disappoints and yet I wait

For what I know isn’t true

I make the same old blunders,

And endeavor to set it right

And each day when I come face to face

I recoil and run out of sight.

A lie it is I live each day,

But in a total lie I’d rather not die

Just a tiny wish, a prayer

A tiny urge to fly

Not too high, above the clouds

Just high enough to see

Everything a little differently

To define the real me

Just once, just once, feel the real me

Just once let me soar

Just once give the real me a chance

I would not ask for more

Just once I want to be happy

Without making another sad

Just once I want to laugh with glee

Without appearing bad

And yet again, I walk down the same road,

Yet again, wish something new

Each day disappoints and yet I wait

Hoping what I know isn’t true.

The Raven

2008-11-19T10:37:00.000-08:00

[ This is one of the best poems i have ever read.Period.]

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Lenore —
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore —
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door —
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; —
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"— here I opened wide the door; —
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" —
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore —
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; —
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door —
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door —
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore —
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning— little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door —
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered— not a feather then he fluttered —
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before —
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore —
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never — nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore —
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite — respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! —
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted —
On this home by horror haunted— tell me truly, I implore —
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? — tell me — tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting —
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!— quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted — nevermore!

—Edgar Allan Poe

Advent of the Inner Demon

2008-11-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

[ I think some of the weirdest moments in your life are when you have nothing to worry about and nothing to do. I would consider myself in such a situation now. This is a direct repercussion of reading Edgar Allan Poe all day(<= has quickly transformed to my al time favorite poet). The poem deals with facing my inner demons who I am continuously in conflict with. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once more, The girl in blue]

When life is normal, fair and smooth,
Almost bordering on routine,
It raises its head, and I turn to watch
As it stirs up a startling scene.

Thriving on the irony
That life throws at us each day,
Relishing the angst, the fear within
Contorting it in such a pleasurable way

It crawls on my skin ever so silently
Takes away all common sense
Leaves me sighing, weeping, crying
As I look at the world through its devilish lens.

I struggle and fight those inner demons,
And drown completely into oblivion
Ruin my reputation- my pride and joy
In search of a different Elysium

After an eternity, the tirade ends,
And my soul dawns a new avatar,
Avowing never to let them in again,
Avowing forever to watch from afar.

And yet once more, it shall revisit
And yet entrance me with honeyed tones
And yet I shall let it enter, knowing I oughtn’t
And long to explore yet again, those forbidden zones.

A drink a day

2008-09-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

Found this on wikiquote ;)

The horse and mule live thirty years

And nothing know of wines and beers;

The goat and sheep at twenty die,

With never a taste of scotch or rye;

The cow drinks water by the ton,

And at eighteen is mostly done.

Without the aid of rum or gin

The dog at fifteen cashes in;

The cat in milk and water soaks,

And then at twelve years old it croaks;

The modest, sober, bone-dry hen

Lays eggs for nogs and dies at ten;

All animals are strictly dry;

They sinless live and swiftly die,

While sinful, gleeful, rum-soaked men

Survive for three score years and ten.

And some of us - a mighty few -

Stay pickled 'till we're ninety-two.

- Harlan Fiske Stone, reported in Alpheus Thomas Mason, Harlan Fiske Stone, Pillar of the Law (1956), p. 731.

Unrequited

2007-09-14T01:05:00.000-07:00

Clouds line a deep blue sky
The wind drowns a supressed sigh
The heart bleeds with a drunken care
The world around seems so unfair
Unpleasantness surrounds me now
A fool, infatuated- I don't know how
"Stability sucks" screams a bitter inside
But these scary feelings, I sure must hide
An ego drips from a conditioned soul
Don't look at me as if I'm foul
Turn the pages of destiny
And somewhere halfway you shall find me
Conscience plays a dual game
Poof!There goes the hall of fame
The innocence of that angel face
Lets the hatred in your heart showcase
The only one I've ever known...
The sheet of pride off me has blown
I pick the pieces to carry on
The girl inside me just breaks down
I move along on the beate track
And rush like hell, to get my love back...

Nicotine

2007-09-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

Breathe deep,

Are you really here or is this some heady dream

I'm rising, faster than ever,

Dizzying heights

Angelic flights

Nicotine,

Running through my veins ever so swiftly

Arousing emotions, so exquisite

Lightening quick

smooth and slick

Touch and feel,

Drops of rain tantalizing the senses

You and me, amidst a sea of green

Your smell on me,

So heavenly

A swift wind,

An embrace so strong, seems like a meeting of souls

Nature's flavor, distinctly yours

Sounds of silence

Senses intense

Smoke,

Cigarettes to pacify the fiery passion

Beads of sweat on your forehead

And a divine iridescence

Chemical essence

A desire to dissolve

Blend in the air that surrounds you so close

Smile and float and soar

Sweet nicotine

And what has been..

Accident

2007-08-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

He opened his eyes to absolute darkness. For a moment or two he felt as if he had been struck by blindness and inadvertently a curse escaped his lips. Slowly, as his eyes grew accustomed to the night, dark silhouettes materialized in the clinically cold room. Orange light filtered in through the gaps in the venetian blinds and the shiny glass bottles full of colorful tablets glimmered and shimmered in it. The greenish glow of the bedside monitor and the steady sound of the intravenous drip coupled with the jewel-like tablets made the room resemble an eerie undersea cavern full of treasure.
He tried to get up, but a sharp pain in his body jerked him back into reality. He was here in the hospital because of the accident. So, he had survived. Details of the accident were blurry. All he could remember was driving on the highway….
Lost in thought, he suddenly sensed the presence of someone else in the room, someone horribly familiar.
“Who’s there?”, he asked, hoping against hope that no one would answer.
“It’s me.” , came the reply, barely a whisper. “ You know me, right?”
He could not think clearly. All the drugs in his system were obscuring rational thought. Why was he here again, jeering at him? Was there still something left to do?
As if reading his mind the voice said, ” You do know why I’m here, don’t you? And what you must do?”
“ No I don’t. ” He tried to scream, but no sound would come. He was shaking badly now. He dug his uncut nails into his thigh to get a grip on himself.
A shrill laughter filled the room, and the delicate instruments in the tray over the bedside table rattled due to the sound in the dead of the night. By now he was sweating profusely as fear engulfed him. The voice was steadily getting louder, as the effect of the sedative was diminishing.
“Next, you shall tell me, you don’t even know who I am.” He challenged. The laughter stopped as suddenly as it had started and deathly silence took its place. He got out of bed and started moving towards the bathroom. He could barely walk, but he wanted to get away from the voice.
He turned on the light and looked at his own haggard face in the bathroom mirror.
“ Look at you, coward.”, jeered the voice now sounding magically magnified and then there was the same cackling laughter again. “ You’re the biggest coward in the world.” More laughter.
Slowly he felt the fear starting to melt away. Anger was replacing that debilitating fear- anger and that awe-inspiring sense of power. He looked up and that face in the mirror broke into a smile. Everything was going to be fine now.
Still gazing into the mirror he heard himself saying, “ Yes. Yes, I know who you are. I know what I have to do.” He felt so strong now that heat was radiating from him.
They laughed in unison- the man and the voice. Today would be the day of triumph for both of them. Today they would finally achieve what they had been trying for this long. No one could stop them now.
Sense was overcoming the delirium induced by the drugs. He did not even stop to glance back at the man in the shadows. He knew that the voice would travel with him wherever he went. There was no hesitation in his step now as he opened the door of his room.
The lobby was empty and sterile like everything else in the hospital. An occasional moan or a distant scream broke the unending silence. Just as he started down the stairs, a clock chimed three. It was time.
The giant entrance before him seemed to encourage him to leave the cold confines and embrace the task so lovingly assigned to him; and even as he felt the jubilation of freedom a strange sadness engulfed him. But now he knew all was gone…..

Excerpts from the newspaper

Mon,17th June

Mr. Ankit Mehra, CEO of Log Services, died in the wee hours of today morning following an accident, in front of City Hospital where he was undergoing treatment for schizophrenia. According to sources he had attempted to take his life twice in the past two weeks.
He was taken to the Hospital following the accident but was pronounced dead on arrival…..

Dreams...

2007-08-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

If I dream I can be happy, if I dream I can be sad,
If I dream I may just worry, If I dream I may even be bad,
When I dream I could make you my friend, or else the biggest foe
When I dream I can be fast, when I dream I can be slow.
If I dream I can be a winner, out to conquer the world,
Or else the biggest loser, grumbling till I’m old.
In my dream I can run faster than the universe
Speak nineteen to a dozen in, reverse
In my dream I can be clever, teach you a lesson or two
And answer all your questions, without a clue

Coz in my dream I live, yeah! In this dream, I’m alive

In my dream, I could easily make you fall in love with me
In my dream I could be better than any one you’d see
When I dream there could be no one, except you and me
In my dream you could just be mine, and yet we could be free
I can dream when I’m asleep, with the stars mirroring my face
I can dream with my eyes wide open, at absolutely any place
I can dream, That’s only how I can be
I dream, oh I dream, and that is how I am ME!!

Coz’ life is but a dream….and in this dream I’m alive

The Various Snapshots Of Life , First

2007-08-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

Land of the Gods.....

Garden of the Gods???!!!!

[The above pics were both taken in Manali, Himachal Pradesh. Locals refer to Himachal as Dev Bhoomi which translated means Land of the Gods due to the abundance of temples and the Himalayas]

Not so " Great Thoughts "

2007-08-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has ever attended college or school would swear by the potential of some teachers to completely enthrall a class- not by their prodigious knowledge but rather by their seeming lack of it. Very often such lectures become the breeding ground for the various artistic talents latent in a lot of students( ya..like launching paper aeroplanes impregnated with spit so that they stick to the ceiling)…
During one such enlightening lecture I spent a good amount of my time altering great thoughts of some very great people. The outcome of it is before you

For the uninitiated, some notebook manufacturers include these great thoughts on the last page of the book in order to inspire students. I’m quite sure so will mine…
[P.S: As is the usual convention, the actual thoughts are in white while my special additions are in red. The author of the original quote is indicated at the bottom of each line]

GREAT THOUGHTS

Character, not brain, will count at the crucial moment. [ And if it doesn’t you’re probably still alive]
Rabindra Nath Tagore

Some men are born great, Some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.[The rest of us must work sloppily so as to highlight their greatness.]

William Shakespeare

Education is the chief defense of the nation[ money the chief offense]
Burke

People generally quarrel because they cannot argue [ And they argue ‘coz they have little better to do]
G.K.Chestertom

What can be added to the happiness of a man who is in health, out of debt and has a clear conscience
[LOVE]
Adam Smith

Generally the theories we believe, we call them facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call them theories [ Though you can rarely distinguish between facts and theories when you’re cramming before an exam ]
Felix Cohen

He who fears you present, will hate you absent.[ He who fears you absent will fear you whatever]
English Proverb

A specialist is one who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else. [A manager is one who knows nothing about anything- pretending all the while to be a specialist.]
Ambrose Bierce

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. [ A poet is someone who does the same but writes a poem about it.]
H.L.Mencken

There is no sadder sight than a pessimist. [ Or an overgrown optimist]
Mark Twain

Always behave like a duck- keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle with great vigour underneath. [ Then people can call you a good Quack]
Jacob Braude

[ WARNING: Doodling in class can land you into serious trouble. The author does not take responsibility for the same]

Go On....

2007-08-04T10:30:00.001-07:00

Incapacitating, unbelievable , confusing moments pass by
Unfazed by the subtle soft sigh
Completely in my senses and yet too intoxicated
Capturing my mind and yet quite understated
Ironical to an extent it’s hilarious
Unfortunately I couldn’t be any more serious
And I try to go on….

It’s pulling me into the eye of the storm
Satan disguised in some unrecogonizable form
Pervading all rational thought
Teaching me more than I’ve ever been taught
Prodding me to explore the previously unexplored
Taking me down a dangerous road
And I try to go on

How long it will last, nobody’ll ever know
Heading toward the light beyond the door
Bracing myself for all that may happen
Without letting my anxieties deepen
The longer the path, the more I may weep
Yet, never accept defeat
I will go on.. and on.. till I can’t

Meet the lady in blue

2007-08-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

There are already two of me here and as I had said before, some other parts of me are getting a little restive. This particularly deals with the part of me that has a darker persona. So in order to give a vent to her feelings I introduce you to the girl in blue. Her snippets will perhaps reveal something that will make you think, when you’re happy and depress you to the core when you’re already upset.
Hope you do not enjoy what she writes.

The Case Of The Blasphemy Of Rockers

2007-07-20T07:12:00.000-07:00

Heyy !!!! So here I am again. Told you guys earlier that UPDATE was gonna be the real …(n I mean REAL) problem for ahem..both of Us. Looks like She did some updating here..( sorry for that senti poem guys….don’t think that’s actually me.. though I’m not sure... naaah…besides I don’t think there’s place for another one in this blog [:P]…)
All you Rockers out there, this one’s for Ya’ll( This IS more in ma league..) So I’m not gonna go in the details of what Rock’s all about ( Yeah…if you’ve even got the IQ of a 2 yr old you’ll probably know a lil about what it is). Here in India, the Rock rage is just about catching on. Since India is a land of traditions and conforming with social rules, Rock which was always been the mouthpiece of rebellion, is slowly becoming a huge favorite of the youth who want to break away from any chains binding them.( Ya n besides all those “socio..rubbisho” philosophies it’s darned good music which has lyrics to think on and sounds to completely blow your mind.)
I don’t claim to have loads of knowledge on this subject, but I believe that rock started originating from the time Bob Dylan started penning his liberal and rebellious thoughts on paper. And I also truly believe that Rock is all about being who you are and doing what you like without giving a damn about who says what. Ya so I like parties and people..( Ya …alright but I don’t )…maybe you like to smoke.. maybe she don’t….(no questions asked …no shit said.)
But heyyy… What do we have now.. “Dude( remember how that dumb guy in that movie said it..picture that now), I’m a rocker .. I have to smoke like an oil tanker on fire.. drink like my stomach is a toilet bowl and do them weed, speed …n whatever ”( Well and then I hope he goes n throws up on his bloody guitar..some rocker)
Ya .. some rocker… a lot of the guys I know would just start smoking, doing dope n all because they like the music and want to get into the clique(which is uber cool if it’s the right peeps) . And the rest of them don’t even like the music. It’s like if you gotta be a rocker you gotta do this man.. So what happened to doing what you want to do?
Go anywhere around town and the number of Nirvana T-shirts I see makes me wanna never look at Cobain’s face again in my life. C’mon you don’t have to wear an Iron Maiden T shirt to prove you’re a rock fan. And guys death metal in my opinion is just clanging vessels and a wolf trying to make itself audible from over all that.( You may like it…. but don’t just pretend coz that joker next to told you it’s “in” ..get a life)
I went for the Campus Rock Idols (CRI) competition, of the Pune leg in Feb (they might as well have called it the Campus Growl Idols coz that’s all most of the bands did… the only Rock show I felt like running away from.. {makes a face}).. It gave me a headache. And no one really had any stage presence. They were just trying to ape other better known bands.. ( But people people people… there is a HUGE difference in a fake n the real thing n we ain’t no idiots)
(Gimme a break people stop being wannabes). Another rather amusing aspect is their literary developments( Soon the Ivy league will start granting them PhDs in poetry). They turn poets overnight ( Y'Know rockers are also supposed to be poets…duh{smirks}). Their poems are only about flesh n blood( now don’t you go n think this straight outta the bible… this is the real thing) and biting heads off till blood drips, and I don’t what other gore(..just as long as you keep the blood comin) though they can’t make a correct sentence to save their life.
Really all you so called Rockers out there you really would be way cooler if you stop trying too hard. And think about the Music man(“ Ya like Jack Black said in the move` Rock ain’t about getting loaded and acting like a jerk….’ Although you may do it once in a while but only if you want to – not the wannnabe standing next to you”) In the End it’s gonna be the Music that will set you free.
So until next time … rock on…(..Ta)

2007-07-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

She…

When you look at her you see,
A pretty laughing face
She is but an epitome of pain
When she is in her space

What you see is an ideal girl
Who’s loyal to her kin
While there she suffocates in silence
Digging those manicured nails into her skin

You see her with her blue-eyed boy
A picture of perfection
While her heart longs for so desperately
For that dark, unachievable man

With dreams in her heart she started out
Dreams that have faded to dust
Now she lives in the memories of a make-believe world
Battling an insanity that forever shall last..

2007-06-06T03:23:00.000-07:00

THE CASE OF THE MIND – B(L)OGGLING BLOG

The 50’s brought TV, the 60’s brought Vietnam, the 70s- cannabis, the 80s disco…la la la..the 90s brought the internet and mobile revolution and the 21st century brought forth BLOGS……(ok ok...try to keep things a little shorter without trying to go to Neanderthal )
I have been curious about this blogging phenomenon that has apparently helped obscure writers strike gold worldwide ( and helped some rather well known ones plunge into obscurity). After the initial opinion that it was some techies’ passing phase I realized that it was perhaps one of the best things to happen to people like me who have an addiction to writing ( addiction????... check into writer’s rehab).
The initial formalities completed ( more like hurdles actually... )I felt I should decide on what the subject matter of my first ever blog post should be…….(Pause)…well that took me a little time( ah yes..a month is of course little when you consider just how old the cosmos is…( becomes thoughtful) ) and some serious motivation and I realized that my initial post ought to be about the wonders ( read lamentations) of starting my blog.
My friends have a very high opinion of my linguistic prowess although the less amicable ones would agree that it is after all Too high an opinion. But yet appreciation always converts the most unyielding individuals to docile lovable creatures, who of course might commit the most heinous crimes ( looks like we’re reading too many murder mysteries… but She just started a damn blog)
So in a sense to appease them and to satisfy a nagging conscience ( read very close friend who said She was too lazy to put her considerable talents to use) I had to write.
Now writing has always been a passion and it definitely is something I would have wanted to make a career out of. But at the crucial juncture when I had to choose my destiny I chose ( hold your breath ladies and gentlemen) Engineering (ta da). We’ll let bygones be bygones. In spite of my grumblings and my total incapacity to do well in a beautiful( if wires and microchips are beautiful) field called Electronics and Telecommunication- my apologies to others from the same field, I share your pleasures and your pain- it has definitely honed my writing skills and my creativity. How? Well, somehow creativity just pounces on you, and if ignored shreds your peace of mind into tiny untraceable pieces, when you’re in the middle of your preparatory leave or PL as we fondly call it.
So on the certain occasions that I do give in to the temptations of writing a word or two; during the PL i.e. I can safely admit that it turns out pretty good. At other times, such as now, I have to ponder and ponder and yet the words rarely flow. Even if they do they turn out to be absolute gibberish ( again…such as now ;) )
Now ( hear hear), since I Have started this “damn blog” as She puts it ( that’s me THE LADY IN BRACKETS ) the real task would be to perhaps keep updating it. And considering the regular paucity of ideas in my head ( like water in drought struck areas) it is going to be some work…( for Her lazy hind side).
Good bye until next time, Au revoir and Ta Ta ( and from me... Birla….duh…)

2007-06-06T03:13:00.000-07:00

BREAKDOWN OF THE BICAMERAL MIND

“Lasciate Ogni Speranza Voi Ch’ Entrant”
[ Abandon all hope ye who enter here]
- Dante

And finally….I am here. There were others and there are others…but all in me. I bring to you the good and the evil, the happy and the sad, the hopeful and the cynic, the beauty and the beast…
At last I bring to you, all that is ME..
I sure hope you will excuse the snide remarks made by my alter ego…who, not unlike me has little better to do

[WARNING: Investment of your time in this blog is subject to risks of becoming like the author. Please read the inscription in italics at top of the page carefully before investing.

THIS NOTICE WAS ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST BY THE AUTHOR ]