Nocturnal deviation

The Reality

A strange part of the day, hangover from a jetlag that never was

The body’s lost the insomnia, but the mind’s hooked on to the midnight calm,

Magical alternate realities culminating from a light breeze

True love from a million yesterdays crop up with ease

Fruitless analysis of the events that have long passed me by

Disappear into the fragrant breeze that leaves me high

Contorted thoughts of love and life starts to form in my heart

Right out of a cheap novel’s most ludicrous part

Endless possibilities make my being more and more fragile

As I lose myself in the everlasting mile.

Delusions

I think I see you there asleep in the cold

Wrapped in warm monochrome blankets and wisdom old

And soon you disappear with the blink of my eye

And a thousand colours seem to float by

I steady myself in that distant dream

And find myself running from that paramour extreme

Holding the pieces of a melting heart

That some mythical hero had taken apart

I crash into the good thoughts of the honourable one

And stay trapped for eternity, can never run

Living life backwards and facing the past

Is not something that I can stand to last

A foray back into an altered state

A yearning of the smells of a strange kind of sin

Comes together with the need to lose all on a whim

Till the heat of the liquid has burnt my soul

I shall crawl back to where I always fall

Disturbed by the thought, that the rhyme creates

I metamorphose each second through numerous states

And then I try to end my midnight rant

I wish I could but I just can’t ……….

The light of good times

It's been a while, but the lights don't fade,

Memories refreshing as orange lemonade,

The arc lights, the stage, the awful soundchecks;

And one riff on the guitar is all it takes.

The melodies of when I was young,

Idealistic, perfect, like a beautiful song,

Endless happy dreams of far tomorrows,

The tomorrows that are today...

It's been some time since the wind swept through my hair

End of stressful work days in nights of careful repair,

Drowning in a symphony of alcohol and smoke,

Forgetting the cares of life with each silly joke

Surrounded by friends, come whatever may,

Waking up looking forward to each new day

Through the learnings of youth was a beautiful respite,

That made each trial worthwhile

Seems just like yesterday when we sat in that room,

Laughing and screaming in those hot days in june,

Sharing and swearing as the bottles were drained,

In a brotherhood of love, we were all ordained,

Time flew by each time we met,

A phase when we knew not what would happen next,

The shadow of that time still keep me warm,

It makes me stay alive

Today we sit so far away, you and me,

Smiling at our beautiful destiny,

Reminiscing the times that led us here,

The trivial things that we hold so dear,

Trying to hold steady as reality hits,

While we try to keep together our wounded wits,

We take strength together from what we've both known,

And move forward to a new tomorrow..

Memories of light

Its diwali. The festival of lights.

Every corner in India is lit up with millions of light. The smell of burnt paper and gun powder singes your insides and the sweet tooth is having a field day. It's smiles on so many faces. The weak candle flame dancing in the wind.Children screaming and laughing and shouting. Oh and how can I forget the firecrackers. Colorful sparklers, brilliant bright rockets, the super loud 'sutli bomb'. My dogs scared stiff from the loud bangs and adding to the noise pollution.

It's diwali. The phone never stops ringing. People all over call up to wish you a lovely year ahead. The SMS facility for all service providers work overtime.... Renewing bonds with long-lost friends and some that you don't care to speak to.It's truly a happy time and it is beautiful.

It's how it has been for as long as I can remember. It's probably how it is this year... at home. Here in the cold climes of the midlands of uk, the only lights I will see are the orange street lights when I walk to the library. The only sounds I shall hear is the hissing and spitting of the steam pipes in the university and the only sweets I'll taste are the marshmallows from the pound store.

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

-Kevin Arnold

Happy Diwali everyone...

End

What would it be like to die?

When it's staring you in the face

What thoughts come by

Late

How late is it?

How hard is it?

Or simple...

Death..the beyond

The part with no tomorrow

No future to worry about

Just a large past to cry about

And no one to comfort

Or maybe an escape

From the heart wrenching pain

That necessarily incapacitates

Death

Embrace me

Love me like no one ever has

Take me with me with you

in this moment of numbness

Put me in your ice cold shackles before I can run away...

Time in my life

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

- Switchfoot

Just a random song pops up in your playlist. It gets you thinking. Especially when you are taking really significant decisions, life altering decisions…

So this is my life, but am I who I want to be? Was this what I had dreamed I would be, what life would be? Swayed by emotion, consumed by passion for things that may or may not be significant in my life tomorrow, unmoved by success, grounded by failure.

Maybe till now I had not fully grasped how much to each extreme I am. Any attempts to blow moderation into my life have been futile. Common sense is averse to me. *Smirk*

I had never pictured myself like this. The vulnerability to emotion, to people, did not remotely pop up in my futuristic dreams. I guess life has thrown enough rotten tomatoes at me for me to still harbor notions of a perfect future.

Time destroys

Yesterday that was today,

Just a while back.

Tomorrow is not so far away.

Discards perfection,

Breeds uncertainty

A change in direction

With every breath

Control

We have none of that

Just brace ourselves for the next attack

Time rebuilds,

Heals the injured Achilles heel

Replenishes when all is seemingly lost

Creates beautiful dreams

When you’re soporific

And wakes you up to reality…

I guess I would have liked to go on with that. But time’s just brought back my best enemy - the writers’ block. Maybe some other time…

Jewel of my eyes

[Wrote this for someone who wanted it for someone.. But it ended up something else. Anyway... here goes]

You entrance my mind like the fragrance of the first rain
And yet be steady as a rock in my times of pain
There's a lot I would like to say but the right words may never come
I know I am silly and pretty much dumb
But the little things that I want to say
May not seem so important today
Yet when we turn old and wise
You'll still be the jewel of my eyes.

I have loved

I have loved.

Tasted each sweet emotion,

Each bitter tear.

Drowned in the interplay of intense words.

Risen from the hurt.

I have loved.

I have loved.

Lost myself, my being, my identity,

Only to lose it again.

Found myself stronger,

Sometimes with, sometimes without.

I have loved.

I have loved.

Destroyed my life for another's smile.

Then rebuilt it without complain.

I have given all that I have,

Got some and much back.

I have loved.

I have loved.

I have smiled.

I have laughed.

I have cried.

I have wept.

And I have lived,

Just because I have loved.