Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The anatomy of a breakup

“Tear-stained” - Elena had heard this phrase countless times, in movies, in books, in artsy plays. It was a difficult concept to grasp. Ink stains, blood stains, all of these were quite easy to understand. But tears were a transparent liquid, a bodily expulsion of translucent emotions. How could tears stain?

Like some sorry romantic movie, the clouds hung low outside her window as she contemplated what had transpired in the last few days. The rain never depressed her, and the gloomy skies only worked towards making her smile. Yes, she had a tear stained face today; the deep welts on her makeup which revealed the true dusky color of her skin. The clear marks, once her dark mascara had been washed away.
It was cleaning day.

There was so much she had to clean. It's funny how a 500sq ft house could house a lifetime of experiences, of memories. Well the house was still mighty big. She even dreaded opening her tiny brown wallet. She hated brown. That was one color she never warmed up to. But then this wallet, it was full of expensive treasures, and no money. An adage from a self-help book echoed in her ears, " What would you do if you weren't afraid?" Money would come…

The wallet was full of scraps of paper - bills, credit card receipts. So many things she had even forgotten existed. A crumpled bill from Nov 20th: hot coffee on the roof of a 12 storey building. The wind messed up her hair so badly, stray strands tickling her nose and her eyes; the "You're so pretty" whisper. There was a massive altercation they had later that evening, but then she could hardly remember what that was about. 

Airport parking ticket stubs, from the first time he picked her up at the airport. There was still a tiny kohl stain on the side; fluid emotions because no one had ever done that for her before. With a great deal of effort, she crumpled it all up in her tiny hands and let out a feeble whimper as the paper cut through her skin.

Letting go was hard. She could throw away the trifles so lovingly collected. It would take some effort obviously. But what was harder was to change herself. The long waits, the daily rituals. How does one wipe those off?

She couldn't scrape the perfume off herself, the fragrance that he adored so much-her lucky perfume. Or the daily morning rituals, bathe first, brush next. She had become adept in getting out that exact amount of toothpaste on to her toothbrush, covering exactly 3/4th of it. She had used the same brand of face wash for over two years, and worn her makeup in the exact same sequence because that's how she did it on the best day of her life. If she ever digressed from her routine, it would be a bad day, at least in her head.

 The last few months, no matter how much she stuck to the routine, the days would be grey. She tried so many combinations, slight changes here and there, hoping that things would fall in place. But that was simply resisting the changes - the changes within her, the changes within him.

She was tired. She hadn’t slept in almost a week. She looked at her watch. The hour hand gleamed on the number two in the dial. She smiled in her head. She had automatically tuned her brain to the new settings of the watch – ten minutes ahead, because she didn’t like to be late for dates.  The movers would come at 3; seventy minutes for her to sort everything out.

 The cleaning was nowhere close to done. But she needed to clean her mind and body first. Get rid of the imprints that she had so patiently tattooed on herself trying to hold on to what was so dear to her. There would be love, yes there would, and new rituals created, new experiences had. It would present itself at the most opportune moment. The memories were hers, to keep and love. But the time was ripe to make some more.

Her tears - of care, of insecurity and of envy, were really the tears of beautiful times. She looked at her tear-stained face in the mirror. Maybe, just maybe, tear stained wasn't such a bad thing...

Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Fighter

You think she is weak, but that's okay,
You will go through tomorrow, what she went through today,
The rough consequences of you going away,
Will come back and kill you, when she goes astray.

She will be a fighter all through the way,
The one that fought to keep you, sure knows how to play,
She knows you're not wrong, but she'll know come what may,
If you're not fighting to keep her yet another day.

She fill your life with warmth like sunny Sunday,
She will hold you and love you and beg you to stay,
But don't leave her alone for a minute, I pray,
'Coz she will leave you forever, and then make you pay.

No one in the universe can give you so much,
And make you thank your stars with every tiny touch,
You will know quite easy, when it's falling apart,
And nothing you'll do will fill the void in your heart. 

Dream forevermore

Let me dream, let me dream,
Dream of a land, so far away,
Of a land where you and me
Shall forever together be.
Let me dream of our little world
Full of love and honesty
Imperfect it just may get
For us to mould and make perfect
Frolicking through games of the heart,
Arguing but never apart,
Enriched by sojourns in broken lands
We'll build paradise with our own hands
Little products of our innocence,
Will play in gardens, oh so green!
Bringing smiles to heal our scars
That tortured us through all  these years
Thereby we shall so gracefully age
Turn quietly each unknown page
Till in each other's arms we rest
To reach another lifetime, another test
Yes i might a dreamer be,
But in this dream I want to live,
This dream shall always make me smile
Coz you alone make life worthwhile

The guy from yesterday

He's bold like the rebel from the 70s,
He's all prim and proper within,
He dazzles when the world's the audience,
He moves like original sin.

His words are enamel-coated,
Not a syllable out of place,
There isn't a style he can't pull off,
Not a situation he can't ace

All the pretty things line up
Each time he does his thing,
With the menacing grace of a Mustang,
He gets his way without the bling

He's passion brewed with self-confidence,
And just a hint of smooth,
He's every good thing from the past,
With a tiny sliver of rude

He'll make you go weak in the knees,
He'll always have his way,
He couldn't be more perfect if he tried,

My guy from yesterday.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

A rhyme of contradictions

Every time I think I mustn't ponder any more,
Fight the demons, and win the war
Each time somewhere the conscious breaks,
And goes out on a tangent.
Each time I think I will not try,
To reach the sky and learn to fly,
The bitter resolve just fades away,
And I am far from content.

Every instance of the plural,
Makes my mind just flip and whirl,
While slowly my life depletes to none,
And the abstruse comes a-calling,
The sounds of love bring me to real,
And I suddenly start to feel,
The deepest thoughts just cannot hold,
While I just keep on falling..

The inconclusive broken path,
That I traverse with the coldest heart,
Just breaks into a song of old,
And dances like amourous breathing.
There seems like nothing ever changed,
And I end up some more deranged,
The seasons just go floating past,
Like my transformations' unceasing.


Destiny must come to rule,
Another day, another fool,
Loathing reason in every way,
She just smiles and comes to play,
Caught up in a desperate run,
All she wants is a little fun,
All conflicting she must leave,
As these stories she does weave,
Taking lives along the way,
We can have but little say,
Promises experience,
While we walk in wilful trance..

Thursday, March 14, 2013

The day that hope died

The earth's a barren wasteland,
The rivers have now run dry,
Creatures of every concievable sin,
Roam the scarlet sky,
The little drops of yellow rain,
The tiny old woman cried,
Scorned the worn out souls of good,
The day that hope died.

The cruel jabs of fortitude,
Attack the lights of now,
The evil laugh of destruction,
Are the sweat in the workman's brow,
The putrid smells of silence,
When the last honest man lied,
The world we knew just melt away,
The day that hope died...

Friday, March 1, 2013

Fleeting love

Morning sunshine
The clink of a cup
Hot tea with no milk
Entwined in smoke
Raging embers
And conversation
Out on the balcony
With fair contemplation

Twisted commonality
Gifted pain
A pause in the regular
Seemingly insane
Endlessly gasping
For a dollop of air
Fleeting love
Just seems unfair

Holding on to the times
Of fantasy like none before
Of fascination
Of a different kind of love
A touch of excitement
A look of fervor
Drops of lust
As we get in the shower

Bathed in sunshine
Lost in time
Spent together
With no cause in mind
Breathing deep
In the fragrant last night
Waiting for the next
In evening light

Holding on
As time slips away
To inevitable reality
To another today
The pieces move interchangeably
While the heart's frozen in time
A longing remains
And a love sublime !!