Memories of light

Its diwali. The festival of lights.

Every corner in India is lit up with millions of light. The smell of burnt paper and gun powder singes your insides and the sweet tooth is having a field day. It's smiles on so many faces. The weak candle flame dancing in the wind.Children screaming and laughing and shouting. Oh and how can I forget the firecrackers. Colorful sparklers, brilliant bright rockets, the super loud 'sutli bomb'. My dogs scared stiff from the loud bangs and adding to the noise pollution.

It's diwali. The phone never stops ringing. People all over call up to wish you a lovely year ahead. The SMS facility for all service providers work overtime.... Renewing bonds with long-lost friends and some that you don't care to speak to.It's truly a happy time and it is beautiful.

It's how it has been for as long as I can remember. It's probably how it is this year... at home. Here in the cold climes of the midlands of uk, the only lights I will see are the orange street lights when I walk to the library. The only sounds I shall hear is the hissing and spitting of the steam pipes in the university and the only sweets I'll taste are the marshmallows from the pound store.

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

-Kevin Arnold

Happy Diwali everyone...

End

What would it be like to die?

When it's staring you in the face

What thoughts come by

Late

How late is it?

How hard is it?

Or simple...

Death..the beyond

The part with no tomorrow

No future to worry about

Just a large past to cry about

And no one to comfort

Or maybe an escape

From the heart wrenching pain

That necessarily incapacitates

Death

Embrace me

Love me like no one ever has

Take me with me with you

in this moment of numbness

Put me in your ice cold shackles before I can run away...

Time in my life

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

- Switchfoot

Just a random song pops up in your playlist. It gets you thinking. Especially when you are taking really significant decisions, life altering decisions…

So this is my life, but am I who I want to be? Was this what I had dreamed I would be, what life would be? Swayed by emotion, consumed by passion for things that may or may not be significant in my life tomorrow, unmoved by success, grounded by failure.

Maybe till now I had not fully grasped how much to each extreme I am. Any attempts to blow moderation into my life have been futile. Common sense is averse to me. *Smirk*

I had never pictured myself like this. The vulnerability to emotion, to people, did not remotely pop up in my futuristic dreams. I guess life has thrown enough rotten tomatoes at me for me to still harbor notions of a perfect future.

Time destroys

Yesterday that was today,

Just a while back.

Tomorrow is not so far away.

Discards perfection,

Breeds uncertainty

A change in direction

With every breath

Control

We have none of that

Just brace ourselves for the next attack

Time rebuilds,

Heals the injured Achilles heel

Replenishes when all is seemingly lost

Creates beautiful dreams

When you’re soporific

And wakes you up to reality…

I guess I would have liked to go on with that. But time’s just brought back my best enemy - the writers’ block. Maybe some other time…

Jewel of my eyes

[Wrote this for someone who wanted it for someone.. But it ended up something else. Anyway... here goes]

You entrance my mind like the fragrance of the first rain
And yet be steady as a rock in my times of pain
There's a lot I would like to say but the right words may never come
I know I am silly and pretty much dumb
But the little things that I want to say
May not seem so important today
Yet when we turn old and wise
You'll still be the jewel of my eyes.

I have loved

I have loved.

Tasted each sweet emotion,

Each bitter tear.

Drowned in the interplay of intense words.

Risen from the hurt.

I have loved.

I have loved.

Lost myself, my being, my identity,

Only to lose it again.

Found myself stronger,

Sometimes with, sometimes without.

I have loved.

I have loved.

Destroyed my life for another's smile.

Then rebuilt it without complain.

I have given all that I have,

Got some and much back.

I have loved.

I have loved.

I have smiled.

I have laughed.

I have cried.

I have wept.

And I have lived,

Just because I have loved.

Poets of the Fall - Beautiful ones

Orb

There you are,

looking down on me.

That smile on your face;

Sometimes of love,

sometimes derision.

At others merely a tiny grimace...

Dress me in light

when my life is darkness;

Or just light up each precious moment,

What a connection I have with you,

Untold, unexplained.

Linked with just a name

Distant, yet close

Steeped in meaning,

drenched in enthusiasm,

In a thought-free chasm.

No expectations, no fear of failure

of what we have

No regret either,

Everlasting,

This bond so rare

Forever following,

Or perhaps you chain me to you..

Never judging,

my fallacies,

the evils in me

that you so clearly see.

Just a smile.

Oh that smile!

It keeps me through the sun-bleached days

and takes me through night's calm infinity...

[Chandreyee meaning: The Bengali Hindu female name "Chandreyee" literally translates as "one who is as beautiful and brilliant as the moon on a full moon night". The word is derived from the Sanskrit word "Chand" meaning "moon".

(Mythology): Chandreyee is the the daughter of Soma the moon God in the Mahabharata]

I thought i found my fairytale
But thats just a story ryt
I thought i had my forever
But its just a matter of time
I thought i found the perfect match
Till he lit me up in smoke
I thought that he was so much fun
Till he laughed me off as a joke
I thought i had found all i'd want
Till i lost it in my fears
I thought that love would keep me alive
Till i drowned in my own tears

The Technicolor phase

I am the red in the rose, the flowers

on the blankets on your bedroom floor.

And I am the gray in the ghost that hides

with your clothes behind your closet door.

I am the green in the grass that bends back

from underneath your feet.

And I am the blue in your back alley view

where the horizon and the rooftops meet.

If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors

of the evening stars.

You can go anywhere you wish cause I'll be there, wherever you are.

(wherever you are) 2x

(I will always be your keys

when we are lost in the technicolor phase)

The black in the book

the letters on the pages that you memorize.

And I am the orange in the overcast

of color that you visualize.

I am the white in the walls that soak up

all the sound when you cannot sleep.

And I am the peach in the starfish on the beach

that wish the harbor wasn't quite so deep.

If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors

of the evening stars. (my darling)

You can go anywhere you wish cause

I'll be there, wherever you are. (my darling)

I love color. Everything in life has its own color – bright and dark and so many shades. I found this song by Owl city from the eternally colorful Alice in Wonderland soundtrack the pure definition of the love for colors….. or maybe it’s just the perfect definition of the color of my love !

Listen to it on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiF05rJtHvQ&feature=related

From the dead of the night

Kill me

Take my life

It was always yours anyways

Smear my blood

To calm that ego

Till the end of your days

Destiny

Never revisits

Let me be the one that pays

Give up this life

To the sham of love

Than suffer in its haze

Scatter my pieces

To the ends of the world

I've lost me in todays

Live on, dream on

And love all of it

So my broken mind prays...

Rewind!!

[ This is another one of those office cubicle inspired rhymes. The only difference is that it was inspired by someone else's office cubicle rhymes. Thanks for the inspiration biks, but I am sure you'd agree that there are better things that inspire creativity!]

Seriously...why don't we have the "rewind" button
There was so much to be said, so much to be done
The laughing moments that swept us away
The paranoia of the submissions the next day
The cacophony over steaming hot cups of tea
Looking for the time when we'd finally break free

We're free now, all the money we'd ever need
But the joy of spending the 5 doesn't equal the spending 50
Our melting plastic coffee cups, half wet in the pouring rain
Never matches up to the coffee, our pet machine makes
What it was, when it was, was great while it was
But ever so often, I wish God's "replay" button was ours!

Destiny revisits

There i see me
Fragile
You could break me with a breath
And u almost did
Yesterday, when i was almost yours
Oh how i tried, and then i ran
Scurried away, a fervent escape
Clung on to hopes, dreams, beliefs
And found myslf
And today Destiny has found me
Oh how she mocks me
Yet again alone, fresh tears
Staining my skin
Red...
What went wrong, the heart or the head?
You lash out in fury
And the resistance breaks
I see no end..
Even though you are not he and he not you
There is no respite
She has come with him this time
And the scythe shines
In the sinking evening light.....

Deception

Life's deceptive
Every thought every word
Overides the other
Follows up with another
Who says it's a game
When the stakes are so high
Who says it's funny?
Humor is ironic.
A deceptive tonic?
Like a lunatic'S mind
This life
Where we search for sense
To find human essence
And get lost
In the fragrant maze
Walk as if in a daze
Loss of harmony
isn't it inevitable?
Where emotions wrangle
And the mind dangles
Between the scholarly reality
Or is it duality?
As often i still do
Drown in contradiction....

More a'musing's

Drops of blood,
Drops of pain,
Pouring crazy,
Freezing rain
Crimson shades of
Loving made
Left the doll
But living dead..

A'muse'ing

Knock a flock, knock a flock
And don't ever care,
Little girl's out in the street
Treating her hair
Come back to a quiet home
And you realize
The hair guy slit her throat
When you closed your eyes

A new blog's up

I guess blogging is an addiction. You have a blog and blah blah blah and the next day you want another one and then another. Whether you have the time to update them or you don't or whether it seems like something you wanna do or something you don't, when you feel like coming up with a new blog, you just do.

I guess I caved in yet again. This time it's a travel blog. I wanted to write it in a diary, but the temptation of putting it up online was too intense. So here it is, brand new and just two posts old, my new blog.

Comments as always are welcome from the few people who do bother to read this blog. So here goes..

http://elusivewanderer.blogspot.com/